Week 21 – Fear As A Tool For Growth

Through the last several weeks of class and masterminding I have been contemplating what is it exactly that I feel I need to break through to reach my goals. And given the homework task of discovering ways to use guilt, fear, unworthiness, anger, and hurt as tools for growth I was doubly motivated to “figure this thing out” and finally breakthrough it!

I feel that up until now the reason I have had difficulty building my business and releasing the weight I would like has been due to fear…

As I stated in my last post… Week 20 – False Evidence Appearing Real the fears I run around constantly are: fear of what people think, fear of making a wrong decision, and the fear of talking to people.

Really distilling it down to one it can be described as the fear of being authentically me.

In this past week’s webinar Davene stated that at one point in her life she realized she was addicted to a certain feeling….. Hmmmmmmm….. I am addicted to fear.

Ok. Let’s do the run down of questions.

When I feel the fear… what am I feeling?

A gnawing at the pit of my stomach.

Inability to focus.

Desire to run from the task at hand.

Irritability.

Anger.

So if these are the “effects” then I must change the cause. And we have learned that the cause of everything is thought.

So, What am I pretending not to know?

I am pretending that I am not a person that someone would want to be friends with. I am pretending that I don’t know how to do the task. I am pretending that someone won’t like me. I am pretending that they will yell at me for bothering them. I am pretending that I never follow through or become successful.

So I stop. I pull away. I quit. I don’t follow through. I find an excuse as to why I couldn’t.

What would the person who I intend to become, do next?

That person would believe that she has something of value and worthwhile for the other person to see and hear about. That person would separate the feeling of being liked from the business. That person would not even consider that she was bothering anybody. That person would stay committed and in action UNTIL success was reached.

This process gave me a very big awareness and insight of what I have been doing unconsciously that has been thwarting me and my success.

And because I AM A MIRACLE, and I believe that everything is a miracle…. I am choosing to believe that MY THOUGHT of that I have a problem called fear…. is the faulty thought giving me faulty results.

My new thought is I am a MIRACLE and I PERSIST until I SUCCEED.

RECAP:

  • Thorough and honest admitting of the addiction to an emotion that is not serving.
  • “I am addicted to the feelings of____________”
  • What am I feeling? Where in my body?
  • Change the cause…. The cause is the “thought” that is eliciting the feeling.
  • What am I pretending not to know?
  • What would the person I intend to become, do next?
  • Move on.

🙂

 

Week 20 – False Evidence Appearing Real

False Evidence Appearing Real……. FEAR

The question this week was how could we use guilt, fear, unworthiness, anger, and hurt as tools to grow.

I really connected with the fear part of this question. You see, that is where I have lived my entire life.

Fear of what people think. Fear of making a wrong decision. Fear of talking to people. Fear of being authentic and allowing myself to be vulnerable.

And yet I really want to be an “outgoing full of life and friends” type person!

It has been shown that we are born with 2 types of natural fear: The fear of loud sounds, and the fear of falling. Both very important aspects to be aware of from a survival standpoint…. and all other fears are learned.

So- how can I use this word…. emotion…. as a tool for learning?

I struggle with 2 major issues that I want to master yet in my life. I am going to allow myself to be vulnerable here…. because I am already feeling the judgement part of me becoming afraid of what you will think about this.

I struggle with releasing weight. And I struggle with earning money.

Some how in my deep dark recesses of my thoughts I have an intuitive knowing that they are connected. And so I took these thoughts with the intention of becoming aware of how to use it as a tool into my daily sit exercise and to see what came up.

I recognized in the first day that both are connected with fear. Fear of judgement, fear of not enough. I wanted to go down the path of trying to discover what it was in life that I developed those beliefs… only to realize on the 2nd day that that path was a dead end of spent energy for really no benefit. What I really wanted was to become the person I know I truly am and to reach the things in life that I want to achieve. Yes, I am pretty much happy already…. BUT I know i am not being the full potential of WHO I am, and that is what I want.

I realized through my sits that the fear was still present through out because I never really dealt with the things that would cause me to break through…. Like allowing vulnerability, like being impenetrable to people’s opinions…. like truly knowing that there is always enough…. Like knowing I AM ENOUGH.

There is a statement in the above video that I just love….

Behind every fear is the person you want to be.

I want to be who I want to be, and since fear is made up…. I am no longer willing to allow it to control my destiny.

I can have fear…. and fear will NOT have me.

Week 19 – Cause vs. Effect

This week in Haanel’s The Master Key System Part 19 has a very profound (and they are all really profound) statement that was a thought I reflected on much this week:

19-2 In seeking truth we are seeking ultimate cause; we know that every human experience is an effect; then if we may ascertain the cause, and if we shall find that this cause is one which we can consciously control, the effect or the experience will be within our control also.

Phew…. you mean I can change just about anything in my control, based on my thought about it??

REALLY?? REALLY?

 

Woahhhhh…. happy, scared, happy, scared, happy, scared………………….

Hmmmmmm…….

ok…… happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy………………………………………….

 

Week 18 – The Abyss

Our week has been spent studying the Hero’s Journey. Basically going from where you are to accepting the call of your dream…. your vision… and taking conscious steps towards it.

And yet this journey is not always a hop skip and jump in a day because you decided to say “yes” to your vision.

Knowing that the journey may be longer than I expect… or shorter.

Understanding that there will be challenges and temptations along the path and mentors and helpers along the way to guide and teach.

And just before that time of transformation is when the lowest point happens. “it is most dark just before the light” moment. The “it gets worse before it gets better” moment.

This is called The Abyss…. a time of death of the old, and rebirth into the new.

That was my Saturday Jan 21, 2016.

Now, I am learning that life and the universe sometimes works in strange ways. Like… it’s easier to connect the dots of understanding situations when looking back on them then in the moment.

My vision is really to be a successful business owner… and really helping others to achieve their level of success in business. My business of choice is a direct network company in travel. I LOVE to travel! I want to help others have fun and earn money while on vacation too! Soooooooo…….

Here I am in San Francisco that weekend attending a photography class taught by a mentor of mine. I’ve been in the photography business for 36 years with my husband and it really isn’t my passion… I mean it is, but isn’t. I like to create beautiful images of people, but I LOVE to travel.

So it only made sense 2 years ago when I happen to come across a lady based in San Francisco who traveles the world spending weeks and months in Europe, Italy, Mexico photographing her clients for their business branding. OOOOOOOO!!!! OK….. maybe this is for me! I can combine my photography and my direct network company. I went out to study with her….

This past Jan she had an advanced class, so of course I went back. Part of the class was to have a client that we did a photo session with.

My client and I were in Yerba Beuna Park in downtown San Fran. We were walking from one location to the next… we were about 1/2 way done with her session. I had already captured many amazing and beautiful images of this beautiful woman that she was planning to use in her career as the director of human resources at the company she worked for.

It was mid afternoon as we walked and chatted to the next spot in the park. Out of nowhere I was body slammed by a tall young man. He grabbed my camera out of my hands. But to HIS surprise the camera was attached to my body by a cross body harness I always wear while in sessions.

My instinct was to grab my camera and wrestle it back. Of course this person was so much larger than me it was a no brainer as who was going to win the camera.

We wrestled for a bit and in the process the camera hit me in the face, splitting open my eyebrow and scratching my glasses.

My senses finally kicked in and I let go of the camera and in the process was pulled to the ground… face planting onto the cement.

He got away. Camera, lens, and all the images I had done of my client.

Here is my surprise.

In the past in a situation such as this, I would have freaked out…. start crying, and become helpless.

That didn’t happen.

I kept my cool. I consoled my client. I gave a very objective and unemotional statement to the police and emergency medical people.Later, I found out that a witness saw that he had a gun. And no, I was not in shock. I actually had my wits about me and was thinking very clearly.

It was nearly eight hours later after an ambulance ride and an emergency room visit to glue my eyebrow shut that I got back to my hotel.

I was all alone. I traveled to San Fran without my husband. My room was very lonely. I was tired and sore. My eyebrow and head were throbbing. Thank God the nurse gave me two Tylenol before I left because I didn’t pack any.

The next morning I was up and feeling good. My body was sore, and my eye almost swollen shut… but I was happy and excited for day 3 of our class. As I walked the half mile down Market Street to the Flood Building where the class was held…. my mind kept reciting…. “I greet this day with love in my heart”.

I got to class and my classmates were amazed that I was there. They thought surely I would be too mentally disraught to come.

I wasn’t. Matter of fact if I didn’t have the sore eyebrow…. I would have been hard pressed to have felt that anything like a mugging even happened to me.

Now…. clearly this wasn’t a transformation to my “dream life” or my “vision”. Nothing on the Sunday following was much different about my life. And yet there was.

I realized I stepped through the need to have drama. I realized I took charge instead of falling apart helplessly.

In something that could have been so tragic… it was just another experience. And I learned that drama is a waste of energy. I actually learned alot about myself and proved to myself unintentionally that I can take care of myself and be ok. I can take responsibility and make something happen… even in the midst of violence and theft.

I did have a transformation as I see it now… 3 weeks later. I gained a real sense of independence and taking responsibility for myself which I really need in my new endeavor of network marketing.