Wow! Week 20 has been a mind blower for me!
I have always had a difficult time in building and maintaining relationships- both friends and business.
For as long as I can remember, I have held myself back from interacting with others in fear that I would not be liked, not be accepted, even ridiculed.
I can go into a long and probably boring story as to why I think I am that way… including all the details of what happened when, and by whom. But I’ll spare you the details.
Besides, it really doesn’t matter to anyone…. except to me.
And honestly…. it really doesn’t matter to me other than it was nice to understand how it happened.
But getting back to the inability to create and maintain relationships of all kinds… it has been absolutely CRIPPLING for me. Especially as I try for the millionth time to build a business. Until today.
I got it.
My mastermind group had a class last Sunday on using anger/ sadness, fear, hurt, guilt, and unworthiness as TOOLS for self growth.
In the past I had been taught and coached to let those feelings go…. forgive…. move on…. or heaven forbid…. lets go down that rabbit hole!
I chased that rabbit for decades.
Anyways, today I was in my thinking time (I set aside 15-45 minutes/day to sit and think about issues I am struggling with) I had a flash of insight about my struggle with attending networking meetings to build my business. Of course it is all wrapped around my thoughts of not being able to build relationships.
It occurred to me that the emotions that keep me from seeking out business relationships is because I feel so inferior and unworthy of the persons time and attention. Stupid, right?
I go into a circle of emotion that starts with unworthiness… moves to hurt… culminates in anger and sadness… and turns into fear.
Once I reach the fear emotion… which at this point in my life happens real fast, its game over because that emotion stops me from doing income generating activity. Then, when the income generating activity stops… a heavy dose of guilt sets in.
Fear and guilt keep me at a standstill.
My insight was of that circular pattern. It’s a blueprint! Its a frickin HABIT.
So what I now realize is that because it is a habit…. and I SEE IT…. I can change it.
My game plan is to create a “Franklin Makeover” type template for the emotions of unworthiness, anger/ sadness, hurt, fear, and guilt.
I am making a 3×5 card with the emotions written down the left side, and the days of the week across the top.
For each day I will put a hashmark in the space of each of those emotions… AND when I feel them and mark it down, I will recite my self motivator of:
WHAT AM I CHOOSING – COMFORT or WHAT I WANT?
The person I intend to become would then use my will power of thought to use the Law of Substitution to focus on what I want and take the action that the new me would do.
I can do this.
I always keep my promises.